I am at a crossroads as I realize that no matter how hard I work on my novels and writing, no matter how good my work is compared to others, I can still fail to get published or recognized for the quality of my work because the nature of writing and publishing is subjective. I have to rely on others (a selective few to be sure) and hope they have an eye for talent. I have to persevere regardless of criticism and comment hope by the grace of God or act of nature that I will be rewarded. And even that's not really enough. Editors and publishers take no risks. None. So unless I am exactly what they want I am stopped before I start.
I think that is why I decided I should self-publish my work and let the public decide. Of course, that path is equally hard since I have self-promote too. I think that is also why I am serious thinking that this business is for the birds. I don't mind working hard so long as I receive the reward that comes with it. Heaven knows I am not one to shirk from a task regardless of the effort but the task has to completable. Why should I run at windmills if there is no chance for success?
Writers who succeed need support and encouragement. I've had neither so far. Only a belief in myself that I can do this, that my ideas are good, and my writing skills sound. But that's not enough it seems and now my belief in myself is waning. I don't know if I want to go on or if I should. I certainly don't want to delude myself that I can write if I can't. On the other hand, I don't want to give up if I'm nearly at the goal line. I certainly seem to have underestimated the amount of work and effort needed to succeed here.
So what do I do? I don't know. Obviously, my novels are going nowhere until I can decide to go on or quit. Perhaps a few short stories as trial balloon are needed to verify I can write to the level required. Blogging and audience building also seem to be the order of the day.
As a writer friend tells me, 'One step at a time.' I now understand why he says this.
Then maybe I'll have enough information to know what to do. We'll see.